We have too much freaking stuff. I’m not kidding you. I know you know it. I know you probably live it. It’s how I met some of you (thankfully!) and it’s the reason I keep doing what I do. I want to help you. I really do. However, you have to want my help. You have to be ready to get help. As my new client Janel says of working with me, “You have to be willing to get rid of a lot of shit!”
This isn’t to say that I’m going to walk into your home and make you gut the place. Au contraire little friend! I actually want you to keep the stuff that’s meaningful, useful and beautiful to you, but I also know you’re lying when you try to tell me that all 45 grocery bags full of golf visors in the back of the closet are meaningful (or beautiful!) Although shoes are almost always beautiful – such a conundrum!
I have long practiced Space Clearing, a branch of Feng Shui that is actually very intensive and involves rituals, but I’ve distilled it down for practical purposes to de-cluttering. Throughout the year I follow three basic tenets: I must love it, use it, or truly need it, otherwise it goes away. At the end of every year, you’ll find me maniacally purging, editing, donating, cleaning and paving the way for the New Year. My daughter Miranda fears this time. She knows this means she’ll have to make hard decisions about all the little slips of paper, broken jewelry and torn stockings she stuffs into every conceivable corner of her room. She must not go into the New Year with any sort of clutter. If she doesn’t clear it out, I will. Lord knows what fresh hell that will be!
I have been incredibly blessed since the end of 2010 to have gained several new clients who were not only ready to clear out their lives, homes, and heads, but were excited about it. Their excitement and willingness to spend countless hours purging their closets, drawers, desks and cupboards has made my heart very proud. As bags (or in Janel’s case, a U-Haul), of unloved, unused or unknown things leave, they are finding that their lives feel lighter, less complex, less weighted. This is the natural outcome of unloading. Space Clearing practitioners teach that we are tied to all of the objects in our home by strings of energy. Imagine, then, that you are standing in your living room. How many strings emanate from you? What’s left for you if you are connected to piles upon piles of who-knows-what? Nothing. That’s why your space is stressful. Funny thing is, most people don’t even know their space is stressful, until it’s clear.
My wonderful friends Ian and Lara, previously known as “clients”, said that after we had gone over their home, it felt like it should have felt all along. They just didn’t know how it was supposed to feel – and they didn’t realize how it had previously negatively impacted them psychically. Clutter will do that. It just eats at you peripherally. You have to handle it.
When you’re the mother of young children (or just one child) you have the added challenge of not only managing your clutter but also that of your child. Here’s where I morph into a Stuff Nazi. First of all, your child doesn’t need that much stuff. Trust me. Thousands of children are raised to be loving, self-aware, considerate human beings despite not having 200 books, a private yacht, or 96 bins of dress up clothes. Frankly, my dress up clothes consisted of whatever I found in my mom’s closet or at the thrift store. I didn’t have my own wardrobe department (does it show?) I am entirely un-flexible when it comes to how much stuff I want you to allow your children to scatter about the house. I am a Zero Tolerance Machine, and somehow, my own child has turned out to be incredibly intelligent, kind, loving and abnormally not awful for her age.
I had one potential client say, “But Heathcliff is a member of our house so of course his stuff is going to be everywhere.” I disagree. Helga is indeed a part of the household but her Dora the Explorer stickers don’t need to be on the living room windows. I’m a member of my house and I’m not leaving my lingerie on the stove top (except that one time). There are common areas and there are individual areas. Stuff has a home. On the floor in every room is not it. Children’s toys are mostly hideous. We all know it. If all their toys were made of stainless steel, semi-precious jewels or fine-grained wood, then that’d be a different story.
Don’t get me wrong. Your toys are probably hideous too. No, not those toys. Hide those with the golf visors. The surround sound system, the overly connected computer (could you have any more cords please?) The neon beer sign. Yep, all that stuff is FUGLY. Not saying I’d make you hide it, but I’d make it less of a design feature definitely. I may surprise you though. I think some hideous things must stay. Janel’s husband Dave has Butch the giant ceramic (?) dog in the entry and I think it’s funny. He got a prime location in the newly designed space because he is meaningful to Dave, and he scares the UPS drivers. That’s magic!
So how do you know if you have too much stuff? Well, you could call me, but short of being ready for that sort of intervention, you can conduct an honest assessment of your space. Go room by room, space by space. Start with a closet. Take every single thing out of the closet. Have large bags at the ready. Ask yourself the three magic questions: Do I love it? Wear it? Need it?If it does not fit into any of those categories, or if it hovers in a subcategory like, “I really love it but it’s a size 2 and I’m a 14” then yes, it has to go. Be realistic. You should be able to fill up at least one large bag. Trust me. It’s very easy. I used to keep clothes I hated because it made my wardrobe look larger. Now, if I try it on and it doesn’t fit, I immediately put it in the donation bag which gets donated as soon as it’s full.
You must open a flowing conduit in your life that allows new and amazing things in and funnels the old and unflattering out. If your partner cannot bear to be a part of the process, let them know that you will, most definitely, be applying the three magic questions to their belongings with the added question of “Do they look really stupid in this but keep wearing it anyway?” That may inspire them to get on board.
Children are surprisingly easy recruits. I taught Heidi, another new client, a trick I always used with my daughter. When it was time to edit her toys, I explained that there are things that are only in our life for a short time, and then we pass it on to someone else to enjoy when we aren’t enjoying it as much any longer. We would kiss the item goodbye, and lovingly place it in the bag. She was sending her things off with love, to be loved by someone new. She was never traumatized and she was never made to give up anything she loved. That’s the opposite of what the process is about. My daughter had only two favorite things – a yellow plastic chopstick and her blanket. Everything else was transitory in her mind. She could take or leave the Barbie camper but if that chopstick was lost…Sorry, having a PTSD flashback.
Make a date with yourself this week to go through something. Even a drawer. You may be grossed out by how much useless “shit” you have, but in the end, you’ll feel so much lighter, less chaotic, and more willing to let me into your home.
With love of course,
Melisa
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